he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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