hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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