i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
