do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
