Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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