I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
