Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
smell my finger.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
