WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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