Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
