i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drake has all the answers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
