Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
