It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
