Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
