the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
