I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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