If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
