He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
