Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
