I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
