I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
