Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
