There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
