new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize