There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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