i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
