I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
