i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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