does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
kristin has been a bad kristin
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Let's get the cat blown out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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