I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
