I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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