Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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