ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
