im six kinds of drunk right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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