she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
