guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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