Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
