we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
