all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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