I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
