im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
