whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
