Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
40s are totally the cure
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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