My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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