Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize