ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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