Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize