Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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