pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
