adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
