omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
