I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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