I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
