It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sober January is a disaster.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
