and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
