I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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