He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
