i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
