FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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