I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
