All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
