you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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