You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
