Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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