i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
