It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's the barista slut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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