??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
