I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
