Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
