Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
