i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He has the fingertips of a God
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
