You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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