Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
