Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
